Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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