I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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