So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
