i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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