I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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