well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
