TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
