so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
