I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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