haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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