I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
