are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
