Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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