Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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