Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
