I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
