So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
