My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
