I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
