My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
