that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
