She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize