Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
