i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
