her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
