she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize