I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
try to milk me bitch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
