Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize