Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
