Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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