You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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