so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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