i think my tv is drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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