She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
