is your mom at the bar?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
