I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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