I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
