Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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