im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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