Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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