she smelled like a LAN party
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
