i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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