well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
