it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
