I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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