Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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