I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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