Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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