I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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