Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize