Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
