my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
