fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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