and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
