i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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