apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
