i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
