I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
