Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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