I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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