There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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