I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize