I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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