I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
