1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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